Fences.

Everyone has a different fence. My fence is blocked, surrounding and isolating me from everyone else around. Recently, I've been more drifted from everyone else, such as my friends and my own mom. I've been feeling more distance between our relationships. It’s not that I lost trust for those around me, but more of me not being able to feel comfortable sharing. I feel like if I tell one person something, everyone else will eventually know about it. There aren't many people that I can fully depend on anymore. I've lost the ability to open up, telling my close ones about my own personal problems, because I feel as if they don't need to know any of my business. In many ways, bubbling myself from everyone else is an easier way to prevent all the drama that can happen, as if there hasn’t been enough drama. I've seen many people hurt and betray each other, therefore it's pretty difficult for me to trust anyone around me. People tell everyone else from what they hear, causing stupid and pointless drama around. I see close friends turning to two people living their own individual lives, as if they didn’t know each other.

Then, there’s my mom. I can’t even remember the last time we’ve had a legitimate conversation without any yelling and screaming towards each other. Growing up, we’d always be close. All there ever was back then were laughters and happiness. But now, we’re just two people living under the same roof, with constant arguments and frustration. Everytime we do talk, it’ll be about something negative. Even if I did try to open up, everything I say to her would just turn into a lecture. We don’t get along, we never do. It’s impossible to go a day without a tiny argument. All she ever do is work her way into my life, by being nosey and being all up in my buisness. She’s constantly bugging me about something I could care less about.

I love my friends and my mom, and I know they’ll always be there for me, but getting out of the fence is currently hard. I wish I was better at opening up rather than just bottling everything up and explode one day.